Save the Lost by Baptizing Them In Noodles.

Fill your baptistery with noodles. Then more people will want to get baptized.

Set The Captives Free With Real Wine During Communion

Everybody likes wine. So if you serve real wine during communion, more people will come. duh.

Seat Homeless People In The Front Row

Homeless people probably can't see very well. So sit them up close.

Does Church Need More Sex Appeal?

Maybe the church isn't growing because it's not sexy enough. Just a thought.